


From the Ashes We Will Rise

by StarryEyedSpaceGirl



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 18:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17902994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarryEyedSpaceGirl/pseuds/StarryEyedSpaceGirl
Summary: Even when the world comes crashing down around us, we must hold onto hope. For it is only through hope that we, like a phoenix, can rise, and rise, and rise again.A lowkey F!SSxMacCready romance. Rated M for suggestive material, and dark themes including addiction, violence, loss and trauma, and moderate language. (Story subject to revisions as I catch the editing bug. Be warned!)





	1. Vengeance is Mine

"I want you to take Dogmeat and get out of here."

"Sorry kid, but if you think I'm leaving after all this then you've got another thing coming to you."

I sent Nick Valentine a scathing glare while he pretended to ignore me.

"I owe you one, remember? It's the least I can do for your help with on the Winter case."

"That was totally different. The Institute wasn't involved, and our lives weren't at stake. This is serious Nick. Kellogg isn't some washed up gangster, he's a trained killer, and he's not going to go down without a fight."

"Which is exactly why I'm staying right here."

I released an angry hiss as I kicked at the rubble of Fort Hagen. I didn't want Nick to be involved, but there was no time to argue. Kellogg was just beyond that door, he'd told me so himself. Desperation had been building inside of me since I'd tracked that bastard down to this accursed place, and it had been torture being forced to listen to his taunting voice while fighting against his small synth army.

Every cell in my body was tingling.

I'm so close to finding Shaun, I can feel it!

"Besides, you didn't think I'd let you have all the fun without me, did you?"

I tried not to make a face. He thought I was going to do something stupid and hurt myself if he wasn't around to watch my back. I'm not saying he's wrong, but there's something to be said for a little reckless abandon. I'd certainly performed great feats of madness in the past thanks to a complete lack of self-control.

I heaved a frustrated sigh. "Fine, but if you die I swear I'll follow you into death and then kill you again for your bullheaded stupidity."

"Duly noted."

I finished loading my Laser musket and checked that all my ammunition was in order. I had plenty of ammo, three frag grenades, and two Molotov cocktails strapped to my thighs with the holster I'd stolen off a corpse. I took stock of the rest of my gear. Suddenly, all the things I'd salvaged for the return trip seemed ridiculous. After meeting Kellogg I probably wasn't going to be in any state to haul sacks of miscellaneous junk back home, so in a split second decision I tied my two satchels together like saddle bags strapped them across Dogmeat's back.

"This is no place for you. Go home alright? That's a good boy." I forced myself not to look into his melancholy eyes as I gave him one last pet.

"Well, looks like this could be it."

I eyed Nick as smoke drifted casually from his decaying lips. I don't know where he kept them all, but he always seemed to have a cigarette dangling from his metallic fingers or peeking out from the side of his mouth. I couldn't imagine him without them. Just like I couldn't imagine the Commonwealth without him.

Stop it!

I had a moment of panic. This was exactly what I'd been working so hard to avoid! If there was one thing I'd learned about life it was that the people you love always leave you, so it's best not to love at all. I'd watched too many people die in the last six months to forget the dangers of getting attached, which is why I never spent more than a few months with a companion at a time. I knew when I was in danger of caring too much, and I was definitely starting to cross that line with Nick. So there was nothing for it now, I'd have to leave him just like the rest.

I was getting angry just thinking about it.

"Promise me that after we get through this you'll settle down and start a good life with Ellie."

The corner of his mouth tilted up fractionally. "Why the sudden interest in my love life?"

"I just think you deserve better than… this."

"I hate to break it to you, but the entire world is covered in rubble. There's just no getting around it."

I scowled. "I wasn't talking literally. I just mean that I don't think you're achieving your potential. You're a damn good detective and I've been taking you from your work for too long. You could be doing some real good out there instead of slumming it with me."

There was silence, then after the beat of a moment he said, "Sounds to me like you think I've overstayed my welcome."

"No it's not that, it's just..."

He held up his hand. "I get it. You don't want to get attached. Hell, after everything you've been through who would? It doesn't take a detective to see how you always keep people at arm's length."

I couldn't keep his gaze.

"I know you don't want to hear it right now, but I couldn't call myself your friend if I didn't tell you to be careful. Revenge isn't as sweet as you'd think, and I speak from personal experience."

"It's too late for that now. I'm committed."

"I know why you think that, but I also happen to know that you're wrong."

I stared at the door that I knew would lead me to the man who kidnapped my son. "That man took everything from me, and I want him to pay. I want some justice. Surely you, of all people, can understand what that feels like."

"You're right, I do know that that feels like. But I also happen to know that it won't bring you any peace."

"I'm not looking for peace. I'm looking for answers, and I'm willing to do anything to get them."

"Well then, seems like you've already made up your mind."

I took a deep breath and turned towards the door. "You don't have to stay."

"That's where you're wrong."

Unexpected emotion welled up in my chest, and I spoke before I realized what I was saying. "Thanks. For helping me get here."

"Don't mention it."

He flicked his cigarette to the ground and after a good deep breath, I pushed open the door.

XxXxX

"And there she is. The most resilient woman in the Commonwealth…"

"Shaun's a good kid. So maybe he's not quite a "baby" anymore, but he's doing great. Only... he's not here. He's with the people pulling the strings."

I banged my head against the wall of the Memory Den as Nick prepared to plug into Doctor Amari's machine. I wished I could drown out that smug voice that'd been echoing around my head for the past six hours.

It had been a slap in the face to learn that Shaun was even farther out of my reach than I imagined, and a lot older than I'd thought, but what had been worse was having to listen to that murdering psychopath talk about his crimes as if they were nothing more than acts of self-preservation.

I think in the end that's what made me snap. I hadn't meant to reach down and pull the pins on all three of my grenades, but the red had taken over my vision and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I barely even felt the slug ripping through my shoulder as I hurled them with an animalistic cry of rage. Or realized that if Nick hadn't football tackled me to the ground when he did, I'd have died then and there.

The explosion had been deafening, and the silence after it almost doubly so.

I'd managed to take out Kellogg and his bodyguards in one fell swoop, leaving nothing but broken body parts, hydraulic fluid, and guts splattered across the room. It was lucky that Nick had even been able to find Kellogg's cybernetic brain augmenter at all, considering what was left of him.

I closed my eyes as I listened to Doctor Amari talk Nick through the procedure. He was risking a lot, allowing her to plug into his brain and upload somebody else's memories, but he'd hardly even batted an eye before agreeing to do it. He was naturally selfless like that.

I gripped my newly acquired .44 pistol with shaking hands. Besides the augmenter, Nick had also managed to salvage Kellogg's highly prized pistol from the wreckage and had presented it to me as a sort of trophy. I glared at its dull grey barrel. This was the weapon that had taken the life of my husband, and probably countless others, so what was stopping me from hurling it across the room and taking a blowtorch to it till it was a puddle of molten steel?

I turned it over in my hands for a full minute as an idea built in my mind. Grabbing a nearby scalpel, I painstakingly began to scratch 'Avenger' in the side of the barrel. I thought it was a fitting a name, considering that I was planning on using it to pay back the Institute for their crimes. As I carved the last letter I felt a grim sort of satisfaction at the thought that I would be using old-world technology to blow new world technology back to hell.

It was poetic justice really.

"Athena, we're ready."

I settled myself into the spare memory lounger with grim determination. "Let's get this over with."

XxXxX

It had been forty eight hours since I'd had any sleep, twelve hours since I'd had anything to eat, eight hours since I blew Kellogg sky high in a fit of rage, and a mere hour since I'd walked through his memories and had to relive the worst moment of my entire life. And on top of it all, there was the truth about the Institute's most heavily guarded secret.

And I felt like shit.

I laid my head in my hands. What am I going to do now?

"I'm uh… I'm sorry you had to go through all of that again. It must have been painful for you."

I ignored the Doctor.

Yes! Of course it had been painful reliving Nate's death! But it had been a thousand times worse seeing the man I'd spend months demonizing reduced to nothing more than human. Even after everything he'd done, and after everything I'd suffered at his hands, somewhere in my brain I was tempted to feel guilty about killing him. And he'd started it all.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!

"Are you ready to talk about what happened in there?"

I closed my eyes tighter.

Nick was right, revenge was not sweet. Yes, justice had been dealt by my hands and no man could have been more deserving of such an end. Many could even argue that it was too good an end for the likes of him. But then I'd been forced to walk through Kellogg's sad and sorry life, and I found myself questioning whether he actually deserved it. And now I hated myself because he had somehow managed to make me feel sorry for him.

Me, sorry for ridding the world of that murdering scum?

It was unbelievable.

Doctor Amari soldiered on, unaware of my growing agitation. "It's not very nice to think about, but he was a human being just like the rest of us, and he had reasons for being what he was, however cruel. How does that… make you feel?"

I stood up abruptly. "Feel? You want to know how that makes me feel?"

She stepped back with a look of alarm.

"That man was a murdering psychopath and I did the world a service by killing him. You have no right to stand there and say that he was only human and that he had any good reason for murdering my husband. Everybody on this earth has had to deal with horrible shit. Hell, the world IS shit! And I know I don't have clean hands. Maybe I shouldn't have killed some of the people I've killed, but you know what? I didn't choose this life, and he did. He made the first move. He killed my husband, stole my son, and made my life a living hell. So in this case, I know at least my hands are clean."

I felt Nick put a restraining hand on my good arm. "You're right kid, you're right. We're not excusing that son of a bitch for anything he's done. Doctor Amari was only trying to help you process so that we can move forward, and help you find your son."

Doctor Amari eyes were locked onto mine like a deer in headlights, and it took a few moments before Nick's words filtered through my cluttered mind.

He's right. The Doctor's not the one you should be angry at, it's the Institute. They did this to you.

I took several deep and shuddering breaths.

"There you go." Nick gave me a gentle squeeze. "Now where do we go from here doc?"

"Oh! Um, well… let me think..." She was trying hard not to look at me while she struggled to collect her thoughts. "What about that memory involving Virgil, the rogue Institute scientist? If he were alive, we have a common enemy. He might help us."

Nick scratched his head. "And where did that last memory say he was?"

"His last known location was the Glowing Sea, but I'm not sure how reliable that memory is. That's not a place people go, or come back from..."

"If we need to find Virgil, then I'm going after him." I cut in harshly.

"Of course, of course!" She hurried to say, fear now evident on her face. "I simply meant that it's not very...usual. But since you're set on going you'll need to be prepared. Navigating radioactive hazards is nothing new, but the Glowing Sea can kill a man in seconds."

"I'll find a way to get through the rads. Don't worry."

"I don't doubt that you will."

The Glowing Sea. Just another part of nature that wants to kill me.

Kellogg's memories had been difficult enough to navigate, but one of it's biggest bombshells was that the Institute was not located anywhere even remotely accessible like oh, I don't know, Far Harbor, or the Capital Wasteland, or even deep down under the sea.

It could only be reached by teleportation. TELEPORTATION I tell you!

Damn it all!

Why couldn't something be easy for me, just once?

"You still want to go it alone?"

I refused to look at Nick and instead pet Dogmeat, who had settled himself at my feet. "There's no way you could make it in that hell hole with all your parts exposed like they are."

"I've survived worse."

"No! You've risked enough for me already and I won't have another life on my conscience."

"Alright, if that's really what you want." He sounded disappointed, although whether it was with me or with the whole situation I couldn't tell. "But you will take someone with you, right?"

"Last time I passed through Goodneighbor, Fahrenheit told me that Hancock was starting to get antsy. He's been hitting the chems hard and partying even harder. Maybe I'll present him with the offer. It'll probably be good for him to have a few near deaths experiences to shake things up a bit."

"How philanthropic of you."

I shrugged. "I'm just trying to take a few pages out of your book."

He shook his head. "I don't think he's a good influence. Piper told me all about that stunt you kids pulled at Easy City Downs last month. That explosion rocked the whole damn city!"

"That wasn't my fault! He didn't tell me he'd swapped the water in my canteen with vodka, and by the time I realized that it wasn't just funny tasting water I was too drunk to care."

Of course, I neglected to tell him that it was my drunk self that had suggested that we execute that self-destruct in the first place.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about."

"That's the last time I'll take any food or drink from Hancock, I promise you that. After having to live with that monster hangover the next day, I learned my lesson. I'm a wiser woman now."

He sighed and shook his head.

As I let the Doctor see to my shoulder I faced the truth: I needed a little reckless abandon in my life after having to work under Nick's stifling logic. Hancock was exactly the kind of guy I could count on to take risks and move at my pace, which was always a little too fast. But one needed to be fast in a place like the Glowing Sea. It was how you stayed alive. Plus he was always good to have around when you wanted a good laugh. And these days, I desperately needed something to laugh about.

My first step would be to figure out the bar floor he was currently favoring, and exactly how long it would take to get him sober. Then we would make our move.


	2. Everybody's Favorite Ghoul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing about Hancock is... he's Hancock. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"You know what the Glowing Sea needs? A bar. Badly."

"You always think everywhere we go needs a bar Hancock." I smirked as I adjusted my arms to steady them.

I was scoping out the entrance to the fifth cave we'd come across in the space of two hours. Although that crazy "Children of Atom" cult woman had told them where to find Virgil's cave, there were a lot of damn caves in the area. But I had a good feeling about this one. It had a little bit of a "taken care of" vibe that the others lacked… or maybe I was just so tired of looking in caves that I was hallucinating that the dirt looked a little bit more tread upon than the others.

Either way, it didn't matter. If we didn't find anybody in this one we'd go on to the next, then the next, then the next until we found Virgil. If he'd been hiding from the Institute, and succeeded in avoiding their top lackeys for so long, then it made sense that it would be hard for the common of the Commonwealth to find him. Luckily I was not at all common, and I could be unfailingly patient when I wanted to be.

Movement in my peripheral caught my attention.

"Shit."

"Don't tell me. Is it… another radscorpion? A band of glowing evil dead? A welcome party with gorgeous women dancing and holding those drinks with little umbrellas in them?"

"Guess again."

I passed him my scope and he stared through it for a few seconds before sitting back on his heels. He flicked the tip of his hat back off his forehead. "So that's a 'no' on the party then."

"I have a good feeling about this cave."

He laughed softly. "Figured you would. Why don't we give that big fellah a good old fashioned hello?"

"Just to be clear, my hello includes a mini nuke."

"I'm all for that. I think this place could use a few more rads." He hefted his rifle with a wink. "Fire away boss."

I painstakingly snuck through the green fog to get closer to the large prowling Deathclaw, my precious Fat Man in hand. This weapon had been difficult to find and was hard to operate, but once I figured it out it was a literal lifesaver. I got into as sturdy of a position as I could and took careful aim. As I learned from painful experience, the kickback was enormous and if I wasn't careful I would be thrown back a good fifty feet. But there was no wind, and the creature wasn't moving around very much, which meant that by the time the whistling of doom reached its ears it would already be marked for death. After a moment I took a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

It didn't even know what hit it.

I felt a hand slap the rump of my power armor. "And that's how it's done."

I could actually see the reflection of the detonation in Hancock's eyes as he grinned, and I allowed myself a rare smile in my moment of triumph.

"Let's go find Virgil."

XxXxX

"The primary insertion point for Coursers is in the ruins of CIT, directly above the Institute, so you'll want to head there. Now, the Relay causes some pretty heavy interference all across the EM spectrum. You've got a radio on that Pip-Boy, right?"

I nodded tightly, watching Dr. Virgil's large green body pace back and forth inside his tiny cave lab.

"When you get to the ruins, tune it to the lower end of the band and listen in. You'll be able to hear the interference. Follow the signal, and it'll lead you to a Courser. Then you just have to... not get killed. Not gonna lie; the odds aren't in your favor here."

"I'll get it done no problem."

"I admire your enthusiasm." He grunted, slightly amused. "Good luck."

As Hancock and I beat a hasty retreat through the Glowing Sea, I thought about what Virgil had told me about my next course of action. It sounded difficult, especially since Coursers were known to possess some kind of stealth technology… or so Piper had insisted. I was inclined to believe her, having seen first hand how annoyingly good at investigative journalism she could be. Also, I had a hunch that they would be difficult to kill so I'd probably need to take shots at close range and with a lot of power behind them. Like a shotgun for example. I had one at Home Plate that I'd modified, and it usually did the trick on Supermutants so why not synths? I'd probably also need some kind of energy absorbent armor. Maybe Arturo had gotten in new stock since we last traded...

Hancock's voice cut through my ruminations. "Hey, you mind if we make a little stop by Goodneighbor before we head out? I need some time to get a little...recharge. If you know what I mean. Heh."

"Oh." I frowned. It wasn't like Hancock to be out of his normal chems so soon. I shot him a sideways glance.

His eyes were as clear as ever, but they did seem to hold a strange unnatural brightness. There was also a slight tremor in his hands, and an uncharacteristic nervous energy in the way he was observing his surroundings. Funny thing was that I hadn't seen him shoot up once since we'd left Goodneighbor two weeks ago. Maybe he just did it when my back was turned...

I shook my head and trudged on.

Hancock was his own master. He knew what he was doing, and who was I to talk to anybody about addiction? I had plenty of my own demons to deal with. I was no authority on dealing with those kinds of issues, and he knew it. Besides, it was more Nick's style to be the wise shaman, not mine.

Hancock knew what he was doing, and I wouldn't be the one to nag him.

"I guess I need to make a few stops through town anyway. It may take a few hours to gather all my supplies."

"You're a real pal."

After several long hard days, we made it to the edge of the Glowing Sea. Unfortunately, I was starting to get sick from all the radiation, and it didn't seem to matter how much rad-away I took. I picked up the pace and eventually we left the fog behind. The nausea was overwhelming, but I didn't let down my guard until my Geiger counter stopped clicking. That's when I fell to the ground, took off my helmet, and threw up.

"That's it, just get it all out." I felt him pull back my hair, which had fallen into my face.

I shuddered and heaved again and again until there wasn't anything left in my body, and after a little while, I was able to take in little amounts of water and rad-away.

"You need to go see Doc Sun."

"There's no time, and I don't want to give that asshole any of my caps."

"Asshole he may be, but he's one of the best. And the fact still stands that you'll need some time to rid all the rads from your system. We were in there for almost a week."

I groaned. "He's going to make me stay at Home Plate for days!"

"Which is what you need if you're going to have the strength to kill a Courser young lady." His tone was joking, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he was trying to buy time. The hard part was that he was right. I knew I'd need at least three days to feel anything like myself again.

"Okay fine. You win."

"That's my girl." He helped me to my feet and gallantly stuck my helmet in his pack so I could get a breather. "You should get a haircut boss, you're starting to look a little feral. And you'll have plenty of time to waste while you're waiting for the rad away treatment to kick in."

I ran my fingers through my ratty hair that I hadn't washed in over two weeks. Personal hygiene had sort of taken a backseat since I'd exited the cryotube and it was clearly starting to show. I'd been wanting to chop it all off anyway so I wouldn't have to deal with it getting in my way during tense standoffs. "Noted."

Our journey back to Diamond City was far too slow for my taste, but it was necessary to avoid any run-ins with mercenaries. Hancock seemed to grow more and more buoyant as we neared the city, and he was practically singing by the time we parted ways at the gates.

"So how about we meet at noon in the Third Rail in three days?"

"You know that's not gonna happen. Let's make it a week."

"Four days."

"Six."

"Five. Final offer."

"Sounds like a plan boss." He grinned, and after setting his hat at a jaunty tilt he sauntered off.

I watched him go with a growing sense of unease. I should say something. I shouldn't let him go without asking him about his plans. But I couldn't seem to get my mouth to work or my legs to move, and pretty soon he was out of sight. It was too late.

It was probably just as well. What was I going to say to him anyway? I told myself I wouldn't get involved, so I wouldn't.

I trudged home slowly and changed before visiting the clinic. As predicted, Doctor Sun wanted me to stay home for a whole week before venturing out again. Of course I wasn't going to do that and made plans to leave at the appointed time. After prowling around my tiny apartment for a few hours I got restless and started tinkering with my power armor. It needed a little RR anyway, and a replacement for the fusion core. It would be nice to have it all ready for me the next time I wanted to take it out for a ride. And I actually went and got that haircut Hancock suggested, and not just a sensible style like I'd been thinking of originally because you know what? I'd been stuck with the same old drab hair for my entire life and I needed a little change that accurately represented the new me. I went with a blue unladylike, and I thought that I looked pretty good. Edgier. More dangerous.

I did a lot of bartering during the long days of waiting and stocked up on as many new pieces of armor and ammo I could get my hands on. Shotgun shells were hard to come by and very expensive, but I knew that they were my best bet for taking down a Courser.

I got antsy as day five arrived and skived off early, unable to sit still any longer. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of wearing all my armor, and with my new haircut... well, let's just say that I attracted some unwanted attention. Namely, a small gang of Raiders who had clearly just come from the Combat Zone and were completely wasted. I was lucky there weren't more of them and that they were as smashed as they were, otherwise I might have struggled. Even while l was still slightly nauseated from rad poising I kicked their drunken asses, and it didn't take very long for them to realize that picking on me had been a mistake.

I came out of it fifty caps and six shotgun shells richer. Not bad for a minor scuffle.

Still, I was grateful to have made it to the bar in the Third Rail without any more incidents, and only a little bit ahead of schedule. I took time to eat something, but noon came and went without any signs of Hancock. He wasn't exactly known for being timely, so I wasn't too worried… until thirty minutes stretched into an hour, then it turned into an hour and a half. But it wasn't till after the second hour went by that I admitted to myself that something was wrong. Hancock was never this late, even on his worst days.

I checked his flat, and Fahrenheit seemed surprised that I was asking for him. Apparently, she was under the impression that he'd been with me that whole time. Had Hancock lied to Fahrenheit? That wasn't a good sign. I did a systematic sweep of all the shops and alleyways in Goodneighbor and came to the conclusion that he wasn't in the city. After that, I ventured into one of the dens where I knew the real addicts usually shot up. After failing to communicate with several miscreants, my hand was itching to pull out a club and knock some sense into them. Lucky for them I found one lucid enough to tell me that yes, mayor Hancock had come by, and yes, Old Ricky had sold him some of his usual stuff before he'd left in a hurry.

So, if he wasn't here then he could be anywhere. There were so many drug dens around Boston I had no idea where to start, but I felt that it was my responsibility to find him. I'd seen the way he was acting on the way back and I should have known better than to let him go without demanding some answers.

You shouldn't have let him come back here alone. You knew he what he was going to do and didn't stop him. You should have just taken him with you and let him bitch and moan about it. If he overdoses it will be your fault!

I was in no state to think of a plan in the middle of a drug den, so I headed back to the Third Rail and slumped down on a stool, hoping to find some inspiration for where to start my search.

"Wot's the matter love? Need a stiff drink to lift your spirits?"

"No today Charlie, but if you've got any news about where Hancock spends his spare time these days I'd be very happy to hear it."

"Lost our mayor have you? That's not a surprise, the way he's been runnin' about lately."

The one good thing about robots was that they were terrible at keeping secrets, and something about his forced air of nonchalance piqued my interest. "You're a trustworthy man Charlie, people talk to you. Surely you've heard something?"

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't."

Ah, I should have realized. I pulled out the coin purse I'd just pilfered and dropped it with a large thump on the bar in front of him. "Maybe?"

I watched his electronic eyes perk up greedily. "Well, perhaps a bit more than maybe."

He scooped the caps under the bar before leaning forward in a conspiratorial manner. "I've heard some say that in the last couple weeks, there's a nameless Ghoul that's been hanging out with the feisty gal who works down in The Combat Zone. Name of Cait. It just so happens that our merry old mayor mysteriously disappears around these same times, and nobody can find hide nor hair of him. Some coincidence, eh?"

I felt my pulse quicken. Was all this just about Hancock seeing some woman? "Yeah, some coincidence. You wouldn't happen to know what kind of woman this Cait is, would you?"

Charlie seemed to be getting in his stride now. "Oh yeah, I hear she's a real junkie. People say she never spends a day sober and been getting worse and worse. There have been rumors that she may be on her way out because of it."

My heart dropped. So, Hancock was hanging out with a junkie. This Cait must either be some kind of devil, or some kind of woman to inspire him to turn his back on his sobriety... or his version of sobriety. I was under no illusions that he didn't do hard drugs, but even still I hardened my resolve. Whether it was my business or not, I'd get that dumbass out of this hole he'd gotten himself into. I owed him that at least.

I stood. "Thanks Charlie. You're a real pal."

"You're not thinking of going in there alone are you miss?" He sounded alarmed.

"If that bonehead's gone and thrown his sanity to the wind for some woman, then as a friend it's my responsibility to knock some sense back into him."

"That's a death sentence!"

"It's not like I haven't heard that before, and I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Please miss, wait! There's a man here that you can buy his gun for caps, name of MacCready. He's a dead shot, the kind of bloke you wouldn't mind at your back in a scuffle. Try him will ya? I know you can do it alone, but it can't hurt to have some help sometimes, can it?"

He was right. Things seemed pretty serious, and it would be stupid to run into a known den of thieves without backup, especially since I was still feeling queasy.

"Where can I find this guy?"

"Around the corner and down the hall, last room on the left."

"Thanks Charlie."

The Third Rail was usually overflowing with regulars, but today it was strangely empty. That's why when I turned the corner I was surprised to find myself face to face with two large strangers heading in the same direction I was. We almost bumped shoulders in the hall and I glowered as the one in the lead looked me up and down with an ugly leer on his face. I wasn't sure if the Commonwealth still flipped the bird, but I tried it just to see if he'd get the message.

He did.

"You might want to think about who you're disrespecting before you make enemies lady."

"I could say the same to you."

He laughed harshly. "You've got some balls, I like that. Tell me darlin', where are you staying tonight?"

"None of your damn business."

"Oh ho ho! Looks like we've got ourselves a prude Barnes! What's the matter? You've already got a man waiting for you back home? Or are you just tightly wound?"

I felt my hand twitch towards the handle of my pistol.

His friend looked bored. "Forget it Winlock, she ain't even that pretty. Besides, we've got more serious things to deal with, remember?"

Winlock looked me up and down very slowly as if considering, then shrugged. "If you find yourself getting lonely, we'll be stayin' in Hotel Rexford for a few days. We can have a few drinks, a couple of good laughs, and I can show you what it's like to be loved by a real man if you know what I mean."

He made a rude gesture, and I felt my face flush even darker. My hand closed around the handle of my gun, but before it could clear the holster the man grabbed my wrist.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Asshole." I spat in his face.

In a blink he had me pinned up against the wall.

"I've killed a man for less." He hissed, his whiskey tainted breath blowing hot in my face. "If I didn't have more pressing business, I'd show you what I do to women who think they can do whatever they want without having to pay the price."

Terror welled up in my chest as his hand began toying with the edge of my shirt and my mouth went dry as I felt his fingers brush the bare skin of my stomach. He grinned maliciously as I released an involuntary moan of fear.

"Come on man, we ain't got time for any of this shit right now. We're on a timetable remember? Jack will have our asses if we don't report back in an hour. Just forget about it."

His fingers paused as he considered his friend's words. "I guess it's your lucky day." He released me so suddenly that I almost fell to the ground, their harsh laughter ringing in my ears as they disappeared down the hall. I took several deep breaths and holstered the firearm, hating the shake in my hands and the pounding in my heart.

Pull yourself together!

Yet I couldn't shake the feeling of complete vulnerability as his body had pressed against mine, my arms trapped and my gun on the floor. I hadn't felt that defenseless since I'd crawled out of the vault almost a year ago. It was such an unnatural feeling, and I hated it. I never wanted to be in that position again as long as I lived.

"Well well, can't say I'm surprised to find you in a dump like this, MacCready."

My head shot up as I heard Winlock's voice echo through the door at the end of the hall, and I suddenly remembered why I was in The Third Rail to begin with. Shaking off the lingering discomfort, I crept to a nearby open door and crouched down to listen in as an amused voice answered, "I was wondering how long it would take your bloodhounds to track me down, Winlock. Should we take this outside?"

"It ain't like that. I'm just here to deliver a message."

"In case you forgot, I left the Gunners for good."

"Yeah, I heard. But you're still taking jobs in the Commonwealth. This isn't going to work for us."

"I don't take orders from you... not anymore. So why don't you take your girlfriend and walk out of here while you still can."

"What?! Winlock, tell me we don't have to listen to this shit..."

Winlock sounded angry. "Listen up MacCready, the only reason we haven't filled your body full of bullets is that we don't want a war with Goodneighbor. See, we respect other people's boundaries..."

You sick bastard.

"...we know how to play the game. It's something you never learned."

"Glad to have disappointed you."

I sat forward a little, concentrating on the man's voice.

"You can play the tough guy all you want, but if we hear you're still operating inside Gunner territory, all bets are off. You got that?"

The reply was biting. "You finished?"

"Yeah, we're finished. Come on Barnes."

There was some shuffling, and I pressed myself up against the wall until their footsteps finally began to recede.

I wiped at my face and tried to pull myself together. I didn't have time for self-pity, I had to find Hancock, and the man who could help me was only a few doors away. I forced myself to stand up and brush off my clothes, focusing on the task at hand. MacCready sounded like the kind of guy I needed to make it out of the Combat Zone alive. And it didn't appear that he was on good terms with Winlock.

And right now, any enemy of Winlock was a friend of mine.


	3. Merc For Hire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's such an annoying and cocky little a-hole, but you can't help liking him just a tiny bit...

It took me some time to fully gather myself, and I checked and double checked my face in the cracked mirror to make sure there were no traces of tears on my face. I did my best to shake my humiliation and stand up tall. I needed to look the part of a badass woman if I was going to convince this guy MacCready to help me pull Hancock from the Combat Zone. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too difficult.

One last shuddering breath and I put on a cool facade.

When I entered the shabby apartment I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the man who was sitting on the couch before me. He was small but clearly fit underneath his ragged uniform, which was pulled snugly across his chest as he leaned forward to set his whiskey on the table. A charming grin spread across his clever face as I finished my once-over.

"I need your gun."

"Hello to you too. I've got a gun, but it doesn't come cheap."

"Money is no object."

"I like the sound of that."

I guess it wasn't going to be difficult to convince him.

"The name's MacCready."

"Athena."

"Yeah, your reputation precedes you." He sat back looking satisfied as I quirked a brow. "Price is 250 caps... up front. And there's no room for bargaining."

"Alright, you've got yourself a deal."

We shook hands and I passed him his coinage.

"Okay, so what's the situation? Anything specific or you just in need of some muscle?"

"A colleague of mine has gotten himself into a bit of trouble in the Combat Zone, and I need to… persuade him that it's time for him to leave."

He quirked a brow. "Interesting. And I assume there will be hostile negotiations?"

"Hopefully not. He'll probably be with a girl who works there, in one of the back rooms."

"Cait huh? I thought Hancock had better taste."

"What makes you think this has anything to do with him?"

He scoffed. "Please, let's cut the bull. You and Hancock are known associates, and he's a reformed addict. It isn't exactly a secret that since you two split ways he's been hanging out in the less reputable parts of town. And now you show up asking for help to drag a colleague out of the arms of the Commonwealth's biggest druggie? It's not exactly rocket science."

Smartass. "Well since you seem to know so much, all that's left to say is that I don't want to start a fight if I don't have to. I want it to be a simple extraction, get in, find Hancock, and get the hell out. If we can't manage that, we'll go in with all we got."

"Well, I hope you don't mind taking the lead. I'm more of a wing-man type of guy."

"Whatever makes you happy."

"How about a few more caps?"

I raised an eyebrow. He certainly never lost an opportunity. "If we make it out without losing anything more than a few choice words and sweat, then I'll decide whether or not I think you're worth any more caps."

"Oh ho! I'm worth the caps lady, I promise you that."

He clearly had the confidence, but I hoped his money was where his mouth was.

"Alright, this room's clear. Let's go to the next."

We snuck in the back door and spent the first five minutes defusing cameras and rigged up explosives that were clearly meant to deter only the most unintelligent of thieves. The halls were silent except for the echo of drunken cheers and shouts from the fight happening in the arena, so we were able to make a thorough search until we found Cait's nameplate on a newly installed door.

We took up positions around the frame, and with a nod, MacCready started to reach forward.

"Wait." I whispered, struck by a sudden thought. "Is Cait the only fighter in the ring?"

"She's usually the main event, why?"

I didn't want to admit it, but I was beginning to wonder if I had been all wrong about Hancock being an addict. After all, didn't leading psychologists say that being in love was similar to smoking crack cocaine? What if The guy was simply in love with this girl and I was overreacting?

"I just don't want to... you know...walk in on them in the middle of a compromising situation."

He put his ear to the door with a look of intense concentration. "I don't hear anything."

Shaking off my discomfort, I gave him a short nod and he gently turned the nob. The door creaked as it opened, and we found ourselves looking in on a tiny room bathed in candlelight. It looked like there had been a party going on in that dingy apartment, the floor a mess of empty bottles and old chem syringes, and in the corner lay a limp figure face down on the only bed. The man was in a state of semi-undress, his shirt and various underthings tangled up in the sheets. At least he still had pants on.

"Shit." I rushed over and rolled Hancock onto his back. I tried to feel for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there. I took a look at the stuff that was closest to him.

Buffjet, Psychobuff, and Ultrajet? What was he trying to do, shorten his lease on life? These chems were no joke!

I gave his face a solid slap.

He didn't even stir.

"We need to get him back home, asap."

"Then what?"

"What do you mean, then what?" I snapped. "Then we're going to come back here and kick that girl's ass!"

He scratched his chin. "Are you sure that this is Cait's fault? Hancock's been around for a while. He must have known what he was doing, and been willing to do it."

I knew he was right, but I wanted to be able to blame someone and she was the easiest target. "Yeah well, love can make you do stupid things. It's a miracle he's even alive considering the amount of trash he's been ingesting! I mean look at all this! There's more here than even four people could possibly use!"

"Ah, the perks of immortality."

How had this even happened? He'd been doing fine up until a few months ago! I mean, I could remember all the updates Piper send me about Hancock's wild behavior, but she hadn't mentioned anything that I thought was seriously worth worrying over. She hadn't mentioned him being like this. And all those times I'd stopped by to see him during resupply runs, he'd never given any indication that he was struggling with an addiction this size. Maybe I should have been looking harder?

Maybe I should have asked.

I let out an angry half scream, not caring that it might alert someone to our presence. I almost hoped we'd be noticed, just so I could bash a few heads in and release all this frustration. This is exactly why I didn't want any friendships in the first place! Not only were they usually cut short by death, but in this world, they were just too complicated and messy to maintain. Trying to keep all my ducks in a row was hard enough, but having to direct everyone else's as well? It was too much! I had things to do, an Institute to destroy, and my son to rescue. Why did this big idiot have to choose now to have a seriously toxic relationship?

I gathered his loose clothes and stuffed them in my pack. "Take his other arm, will you? We're going to have to carry him."

He was taller than the both of us so it was difficult to haul him as dead weight all the way back to Goodneighbor, but we managed somehow. Fahrenheit met us at the back door and ushered us into his office where we laid him down on his bed.

"Where'd you find him?"

"Combat Zone."

"Damn! That's the third time this week! He was with Cait again, wasn't he? I knew she was trouble the moment she walked into town."

"How long has he been seeing her?"

"On and off for a month, at least that I know of." She lit up a cigarette and took a few nervous drags. "Did anybody see you?"

"We did our best to be discrete, but it's kind of difficult to hide someone as well known as Hancock."

She shook her head. "Well, there's nothing we can do now but wait for him to come to."

"How long do you think he'll be out?"

"Another couple hours at least, but it doesn't keep him down for long. He's like a damn jack in the box."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. This couldn't be happening. Hancock was having a serious crisis and I needed to find and kill that Courser! If I stayed, I might lose my chance of ever finding one. It could be hours, days, or even months before one showed up. On the other hand, if I left I might not get the chance to figure out what was going on with him. He clearly needed someone with tighter reigns than Fahrenheit, and who could help him get his head on straight.

I was stuck.

"Is this a normal thing for him?"

"Recently, yes."

"So it's not getting any worse?"

I almost hated myself for asking the question.

"Not really. It comes and goes, but he's been a lot happier lately than I've ever seen him. And since I've practically been running Goodneighbor for the past few months, the city isn't getting negatively impacted in any way."

"Have you tried talking to him about it?"

She snorted. "Yeah, but you know Hancock. When he's in a good mood you can't get a serious thing out of him."

The problem was, how could he be happy when he was losing hours of his life at a time, without anything to show for it? He was better than this!

I shoved his clothes into her hands, grabbed a nearby scrap of paper and started scribbling out a note. "I wish I could stay, but I have a deadline to keep. I'm going to get another colleague to come over here and try to talk sense into him until I get back. You still willing to hang with me MacCready?"

"You think I'd skip out when things are just starting to get interesting?"

He had no idea what I was asking, but I was so desperate I was prepared to pay him double the starting price to keep him with me until the job was done. I didn't have time to send for Danse and Piper didn't have the kind of combat skills necessary to survive an encounter with a Courser. Besides, she had her sister to look after now. I didn't want to pull her away from her family when she was just starting to realize how important it really was.

I finished writing the note and looked it over to make sure it said everything I wanted to say:

"You didn't show up for me Hancock, and that's not like you.

I don't know what's going on, but you need to get your head out of your ass and realize that you're making a mistake. No woman is worth losing your integrity over. I know how much you care about Goodneighbor and all the people living inside it. You built something good here, and I don't want to see you lose it.

I'm going to kill that Courser then when I get back we're going to have a long talk. Don't do anything stupid till you can do it with me at your back.

~Athena"

I wasn't in the least bit satisfied with it, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I hoped he would understand that it was coming from a good place.

I set in on Hancock's desk. "Make sure he looks at that when he's good and sober."

"Sure thing."

"He better pray that things go my way with that Courser, because if I hear that he's gone back to the Combat Zone while I'm away then I'll kill him myself."

XxXxX

"I just need you to hang around for a little while you know? Be a good influence."

"You know he won't listen to me. He and I may not be enemies, but we've never really gotten along either."

"Please Nick, it would mean a lot to me. I'll even pay for your services as a detective, and you can follow him and write a report so I can know exactly what I'm dealing with when I get back."

"He won't like that very much."

"At this point, I don't care. He's not thinking straight, and someone needs to look out for him if he won't."

"...alright. I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything."

"You're the best."

My last conversation with Nick was still rolling around in my head as I watched the signal strength on the Pip-boy get 5% stronger. We'd been wandering around the CIT ruins for hours trying to catch a signal, and finally it looked like we were making some progress! As for Hancock...

Nick was right. What was I going to do with that bonehead? He was as stubborn as I was, but there wasn't much I could do from here except threaten and try to keep him distracted until the infatuation was over. Hopefully it would pass sooner rather than later.

"Looks like the signal's coming from that direction."

"Deeper into the city? What a surprise."

"Don't tell me you're tired already?"

"Physically tired? No. But psychologically I wasn't expecting to fight off quite so many unfriendly bands of people in such a short amount of time. How long have I been with you? Maybe forty eight hours? And how many people have we killed in the last hour alone?"

"It's not like I go searching for trouble," I answered shortly.

"And yet you don't seem overly concerned about avoiding it."

"You got a problem with that?"

He shrugged.

"Then get over it and get used to it."

"Hey, you'll hear no more complaints from me. For the caps you're paying me, I can get used to anything." He patted his belt for emphasis.

There was a moment of blissful silence as I studied my Pip-boy and tried to determine which direction to head next.

"So are you some kind of lone wolf or something? Tough skin, hard heart, don't-need-no-man kind of gal? From what I can tell you know a lot of people, but you don't call any of them friends."

"Life in the Commonwealth is complicated enough without having to maintain friendships. I'm honest and I'm good at figuring out and providing what other people need, so it's easy to make allies."

"Just like that synth?"

I frowned. "His name is Nick."

"Seems like a good enough fellow. You ran with him for a while, right? You and he seemed pretty familiar."

"We've helped each other out a few times, but we don't expect each other to keep in touch. Besides, I don't want anyone to be too deeply involved in my personal problems when they've got enough problems of their own."

He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like disbelief. "So what about Hancock?"

"What about him?"

"You're trying to help him kick his little drug addiction because why? It doesn't seem like it's any of your business what he chooses to do in his private life."

"It's a complicated situation."

"I'll say."

I sent him a dirty look. "He's the mayor of a city that he built from the bottom up. It's a big responsibility, and he needs to keep a clear head. The city will suffer if he starts to lose his grip, and then our association will suffer because I use his city as a big resupply stop."

"Oh I see, so your concern for your… associate, also requires you to write him a scathing letter about pulling his head from his ass and fixing his love life?"

I heaved a frustrated sigh. "At this point, his love life and his professional life are intertwined. They're both being affected by his personal choices."

"If I remember correctly, his assistant said that she was the one running the city and that he was happier than she'd ever seen him."

"Smiling a lot and cracking jokes does not equal happiness!" I retorted. "This is just some stupid infatuation. He's a passionate guy, he get's caught up and goes overboard, it's just who he is. I may not be good with people, but I can tell you when someone's not happy. And if consistently overdosing on chems isn't a serious red flag about the state of his mind then I don't know what is!"

He paused for the beat of a moment, then adjusted his stupid hat. "So you admit that your concern for him has nothing to do with trying to keep the city from falling into ruin?"

I snapped my jaw shut and glared at him. He met my glare with equal frankness. He was trying to make me admit that I cared about Hancock, although for what purpose I couldn't guess. All I knew was that I was tired of answering his useless questions because they were distracting me from our true purpose for being here in the first place.

"Look, I'm not paying you to psychoanalyze my life, I'm paying you to be a hired gun. So if you can't keep your mouth shut and do your damn job then get your ass out of here."

He held up his hands in defeat. "Fair enough."

I redoubled my efforts to follow the signal, and soon enough the signal was 20% stronger, then 50%, then 75%, and then we were standing in front of Greenetech Genetics.

I looked up at the imposing structure. "You ready to earn your pay?"

"Lead the way boss."


	4. Dodging Bullets, Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You gotta do what you gotta do for your boy.

I dodged behind a broken down terminal, wasting shells as I tried to determine the location of the Courser as he once again disappeared from sight. Trying to beat an invisible radscorpion hadn't been nearly as difficult as trying to nail down this guy. He was like the terminator, nothing phased him, not even a shot to the face. I had a feeling that I'd need to get up close and personal if I was going to have any chance of shutting him down for good.

MacCready was somewhere off to my right, cursing quietly to himself.

This is taking too long, I just need to go for it. Maybe MacCready can make the shot while I distract him.

"You in a good position MacCready?"

He didn't answer, but I could hear the small whine of the Courser's pistol spooling up. It was now or never. I waited only a few seconds before rushing out of my hiding place and into the open air.

"What are you doing?!"

I took a few wild shots at a wall and ducked as the whistle of a red beam singed my shoulder pad. I was heading in the wrong direction, but his shot had at least alerted me to his new position. Turning abruptly, I let loose in the general direction of his last shot and was rewarded with a grunt as he reappeared. His shoulder was oozing red, but he didn't seem to notice as he lifted his arm and took careful aim.

I pulled the trigger as the Courser pulled his, and I fell with a scream as his shot struck me in the thigh. Whether or not my shells had any effect on him I didn't know, but suddenly he was standing above me. He didn't say anything as he kicked the shotgun out of my hand, nor did he react when I kicked him hard in the shin. He simply pointed his sights at my forehead and prepared to make the kill.

"Mraaagh!"

MacCready slammed into the Courser, causing his shot to miss my head by millimeters. I scrambled forward to reach my gun as they grappled hand to hand, and when my fingers finally found traction I pushed myself to my feet, screaming in pain. I watched as MacCready was thrown across the room, and I put all my remaining effort into steadying my hands.

Aim for the limbs.

CRACK! One knee was blown to smithereens.

CRACK! Then the next.

My breaths were coming out in short gasps as I lurched forward and stepped on his firearm. Then, pointing the barrel at his chest, I shot him not once but three times at point-blank range. I watched his life force gush from the gaping wounds and bleed onto the floor. He twitched twice before lying still. The synth girl who was locked in the next room was sobbing quietly as I limped over to where MacCready was slumped against the wall, stunned.

"You alright?"

He blinked a few times before shaking his head. "Yeah… I think."

"Thanks for saving me back there. You'd be cleaning me up from off the floor right now if you hadn't." I extended my hand.

He scowled. "Yeah well, I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't gone all kamikaze on me. Do you do that often? Throw yourself into harm's way and just hope that someone will save you?"

I retracted the hand with a scowl of my own. "It worked didn't it?"

"Maybe this time, but it won't always."

I sniffed and got to work on hacking the terminal, the imprisoned girl wringing her hands and rocking back and forth.

"Everything fine now, you're going to be okay. I'll get you out of here."

She didn't respond.

"I'm not with the Institute, as you probably figured out, and I'm not here for you. Once this door is open you're free to go wherever you want."

She seemed to calm down fractionally.

"What's your name?"

"My... Institute designation is K1-98, but I prefer Jenny... I'm a synth. If you hadn't already guessed."

"Yeah, we guessed." Came MacCready's dry sarcasm from the floor.

I shot him a dirty look. "I've got a friend who's a synth, and he's one of the best men I know in this wreck of a world."

"Oh, so he's your friend now? I thought he was just a 'colleague'."

I ignored him, and began to focus more on the task at hand. I wasn't the best hacker in the world, but I'd learned a few tricks over the last year.

Finally, I saw the screen I wanted to see and the door was open.

She was out the door in seconds. "Thank you."

"Yeah, don't mention it. And be careful alright?"

She nodded, then was gone.

I stood in the silence for a moment before the shooting pain in my leg brought me back to earth. Grimacing a little, I pulled out a stimpack and injected it as close as I dared to the burn. I couldn't feel very much of my thigh, but I didn't dare look at it until I was in a place where I could be fixed up, just in case it was worse than I imagined. The stimpack started to work mere seconds after injection, and I was able to get to work cutting out the chip from the Courser's head without much pain.

"That's disgusting."

"No more disgusting than your attitude right now."

He snorted and I heard him stump around, most likely going to rifle through the gunner corpse that was slumped in the corner of the room. If there was anything that could improve his mood, it was acquiring more caps.

"I think I'll keep all this. You know, as compensation for saving your ass."

"Whatever makes you happy MacCready."

"You've said that several times, but I don't think you really get it."

"Don't get what? What motivates you?" I paused my surgery to tick points off on my fingers. "Caps, whiskey, and whining."

I could practically hear his eyes rolling around in their sockets. "Ha ha, very funny. You're a real comedian."

"I'm at least funnier than you."

"That only funny thing you've ever said was just now, when you said that you're funnier than me. And when I say 'funny' I really mean delusional."

I couldn't help grinning to myself. "Whatever you say. Ah, here it comes."

The Chip finally came free, and I wiped in on the hem of the Courser's shirt. I felt MacCready peering over my shoulder. "Are you telling me that I almost died for THAT?"

"This little chip could be the key to getting into the Institute."

He whistled. "Well I'll be damned."

"Now all we have to do is figure out how to crack this thing. You any good with technology?"

"Nah. I'm more of a gun geek than a computer geek."

I stood slowly. "Then I guess we'll have to find someone who can."

"Well you won't be at a loss for volunteers. Half the damn Commonwealth has been after the Institute's secret for years, so you'll be a national hero no matter who you bring it to."

"Yeah."

I hadn't thought much about my next steps after I killed the Courser, but one thing I did know was that I didn't want to bring the Chip to the Brotherhood. In a perfect world they would have been the perfect option because of the amount of firepower they could generate, but after watching the way Maxon had treated Danse for being a synth, even after his years of faithful service, I had no desire to submit myself to such a bigot. I'm sure some of the others were alright, but Maxon was like their god and they'd follow him to hell if he asked them to.

And he would.

Still, the fact remained that I needed to get the support of someone who had the right kind resources, or at least could get me the resources I needed. There were plenty of small factions around, but I didn't have time to go from place to place begging for help from people who could barely keep food on their own tables.

"I could maybe talk to Garvey, see if he can help."

"The Minutemen? Aren't they busy being the Robin Hood of the Commonwealth?"

He had a point. While I was currently on very good terms with Preston, he was busy trying to rebuild the Commonwealth's version of a national defense task force. They probably didn't have the manpower or the resources that I needed right now.

But maybe….

"Hey, what about those Railroad nuts? Aren't they all about freeing synths, sticking it to the man and all that? They'd probably be the most willing to jump on board with… well, whatever this is. Remind me why we're doing this again?"

"Trying to find a way into the Institute." I parroted, thinking hard.

I'd heard whispers about the underground organization who actively worked to undermine the Institute by freeing synths, and MacCready was probably right. If there was anyone whose agenda was most actively aligned with mine, it would be them. It was in both of our interests to find a way into the Institute. I needed to save my son, and they wanted to free more synths. If I had a chance of getting inside the Institute and surviving, then maybe I could offer my services to them.

All I'd really have to do was convince them that I was all in for their cause.

"You know it's not a bad idea."

I'd just have to figure out how to get to their secret lair. I think Piper may have mentioned something about the Freedom Trail once...

MacCready huffed and followed as I started back the way we came. "Sounds to me like you've got some kind of death wish."

"A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do."

"A nice platitude if I knew what you meant. Why did you risk your life for this chip? If you ask me, you don't seem like the kind of woman who's trying to be the savior of the Commonwealth."

"I'm not."

"Alright then, you've got me stumped."

I let the silence stretch on for a moment before I said shortly. "The Institute stole my son. I need this Chip decoded so I can get inside and rescue him."

I expected some kind of smart-ass rejoinder about how there was no way my son was still alive or that I was crazy to even attempt it, but he was oddly silent. I turned a little to look at him, and there was something familiar written across his face.

"You okay MacCready?"

The expression was gone as quickly as it had surfaced, and was replaced by a sarcastic grimace. "Oh yeah sure, I was just thinking about how it all makes sense now. You're a pissed off mom. That's why you're such a nut job."

I rolled my eyes and wondered why I'd expected anything else. "Whatever."

"Hey I'm not judging, just making an observation."

"Then please observe with your mouth shut."

As soon as we stepped into the fading sunlight I checked my Pip-boy. We were so far from the Boston Commons we'd practically have to walk all night to get there, and while I wasn't against a little risk-taking now and then I wasn't about to do anything that stupid. My leg was in no state to hold up for so long without proper help. What we needed was some form of transportation.

As if on cue, my eyes were drawn to a commotion in an old parking garage. I could just see a feral ghoul wandering mindlessly through the wreckage, but behind it lay a beautiful, shiny motorcycle.

I grinned slowly.

Nate and I used to go out riding on his two-seater a couple of weekends a month, and at some point he'd let me take the front seat and taught me the basics on how to handle it. It looked sort of similar, but how different could it be, really? I wondered if there was any chance it still worked. It was sort of sheltered behind a car and on its side, but besides that it looked alright. Was it possible we could just ride out of here?

First we'll have to try to not get eaten by ferals.

"We need to get to that parking garage."

He sounded suspicious. "Why?"

"I've got an idea you probably aren't going to like. How do you feel about going for a little joyride MacCready?"

"I actually don't know what you mean by 'joyride'."

For once he sounded nervous.

"Well then you're about to find out."

XxXxX

I felt MacCready's arms tighten around my waist as we zoomed across the uneven pavement of the obliterated countryside. The joy of feeling the cool wind whipping against my face and knowing that I could command the powerful machine beneath me however I pleased was exhilarating! I hadn't felt this excited since Nate came home with tickets to see my favorite band live at Fenway Park.

I dodged a car and revved the engine to urge it to go faster.

"Hey, slow down would you? Just because you have a death wish doesn't mean I do!"

I could barely hear his panicked cry over the roar of the engine. "Don't be such a wuss! Facing off with those glowing ferals was way more dangerous than this will ever be."

"I beg to differ."

I watched a Yao Guai emerge from its cave in the distance, and laughed as it tried to chase us down. We quickly left it in our dust.

"You see! This was a great idea!"

I heard him groan.

It was around one in the morning by the time we came rumbling into the ruins of the Boston Commons, a mere two hours later as opposed to the eight hours it had taken us to reach the CIT ruins. To me that was a real win, and to top it off I found the Freedom Trail amost as soon as we entered the Common. Unfortunately the city was much less friendly to working vehicles than the open road, so I was forced to abandon the bike. Well, not really abandon. I had every intention of coming back to get it when I had the opportunity, and so I rode it into a nice dark corner alley before marking it on my Pip-boy to find later on.

MacCready practically fell on his face in his eagerness to get off the bike, and I stifled a laugh at the pained expression on his face.

"Don't ever ask me to do that again."

"I won't make promises I can't keep."

"I expect to be very well compensated for you taking ten years from my life."

"Every moment you breathe this air your life is being shortened. So whenever you can figure out how to extort money from the atmosphere, let me know and I'll start paying out."

He groaned and pressed his head against the wall.

I patted his back cheerfully. "No time to rest now, we're almost there. And since it's the middle of the night, maybe we'll be lucky and all the supermutant hoards will be asleep."

"Your childlike naiveté never ceases to amaze." He sounded scornful. "You don't think our loud entrance could have drawn some attention to us, do you?"

"Hm, good point. Well then I guess we better get going before someone sends a welcome party."

"Unbelievable."

After shooting myself with some more stims I took us to the beginning of the Freedom Trail and set off at a swift jog. We had only been tracking the line on the ground for a few minutes before it led us into the arms of a supermutant enclave. MacCready didn't hesitate to curse my name as we fought the five giants and pushed them back into their lair, and an hour or so later we'd rejoined the trail, defeated an army of ferals, and found ourselves under the Old North Church.

I painstakingly entered the password, and with a final twist, the doors opened. We exchanged glances.

"That seemed too easy."

He scoffed. "We almost died twice."

I pulled the Chip out of my pocket. "Guns away?"

"But not too far out of the way."

I holstered my gun, but kept the safety off just in case. The steps didn't descend down very far, and soon we were stopped in the center of a brightly lit antechamber by a grim welcome party. It seemed like guns were pointed at us from all directions.

"Stop right where you are."

I raised my hands as a peaceful gesture while MacCready did the same.

"We don't want to cause any trouble."

A woman stepped forward. "I've got to give you some credit. You went through a lot of effort to arrange this meeting, but what I want to know is, who the hell are you? And why are you here?"

I'd raised my chin, feeling like this was an all or nothing situation.

"My name is Athena. I've spent the last few days tracking down a Courser to Greenetech Genetics to kill him." I paused as disbelieving murmurs swept the room. I held the chip up higher. "I have his Chip, and I'm willing to offer you any amount of caps and my services if you would help me break the code."

Her eyes had flashed. "You have what? This is not a joking matter."

"She's not joking, I was there for the whole thing."

She stared MacCready down scornfully. "You'll have to excuse me if I don't take the word of a paid mercenary."

"I think he actually prefers the term 'free agent'." A voice piped up from the back of the room, and I watched as a bald man in sunglasses swaggered forward into the light. "You're having quite a party here Dez, what gives with my invitation? Oh, I see you invited the Courser-killer. Nice."

Dez gave him a hard look "Are you saying that this intruder actually killed a Courser? Single-handedly? That'd give even Glory a run for her money."

"Sure did boss. And I'd say this girl is kind of a big deal, so if you're done interrogating her you might want to show this Courser-murdering machine a little courtesy. Just a thought."

I watched Dez's face relax a little. Apparently this guy's opinion carried some weight around here.

After a moment analyzing me, she nodded and her cohorts lowered their weapons. "Looks like I owe you an apology. Anyone who kills a Courser is good in my book. I'm Desdemona and I'm the leader of the Railroad."

She turned to the newcomer and gave him a hard look. "Where have you been Deacon? I expected a report back from you an hour ago."

"Oh you know, just doing a bit of this and that. Discovering the source of that noise you were wondering about."

While I couldn't see his eyes, I could tell they were trained on me.

"And?"

"Somebody managed to get one of those piece of junk motorcycles working again and was riding it across the country like a madman. Or madwoman in this case. Seems like we don't just have a Courser-killer on our hands, but a daredevil."

There was a hint of respect in his voice, and it made me stand up a little taller.

"You'll have to fill me in on the rest of the particulars later, but back to the task at hand..."

I held the Chip out towards her. "I know you're just as intersted in the contents of this Chip as I am. I hope we can work something out."

She reached out to take it, but pulled back at the last second. "What you're asking for puts us in a tricky position."

"Dez come on, we need to let her in. She's got an intact Courser Chip for god's sake."

She watched me contemplatively for a few moments before she looked around at the men and women surrounding her. Finally, she brought her eyes back to the Chip. "Alright. But if we're going to be dealing with you, I need to make sure we're on the same page. You know what a synth is, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. The Institute treats synths as property, and we seek to free the synths from their bondage. The Railroad gives them a chance at a real life." She stepped forward and looked me in the eye. "I have a question. The only question that matters. Would you risk your life for your fellow man? Even if that man is a synth?"

I thought about Nick, and how he'd saved my life and been my friend during my first few rough months being in the Commonwealth. I don't think I would have made it without him. I answered with absolute conviction. "Yes."

She nodded grimly. "Normally you're exactly the type of person we try and recruit, but right now we don't have time to train up a new agent."

She and Deacon exchanged inexplainable looks and I kept my mouth shut, hoping beyond hope that for once I was going to get what I wanted.

"There are, however, other valuable ways you can contribute."


	5. Hit 'em Hard, Hit 'em Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helping MacCready out was the only reasonable thing to do.

One month later…

"That should be the last of it." I peered down at the Signal Interceptor schematics to double check my math. I'd collected so much junk in the last week that I couldn't always keep track of what we actually needed.

"All this work for some stupid copper," MacCready grumbled. After working with him for more than a month now, I was starting to get his moods, and this was one of his favorites. I watched him flick a bit of something disgusting from off his sleeve. "I hope you don't expect me to carry any of that."

"Of course I do. It's what I pay you for."

"Not to split hairs or anything, but I haven't received a single cap from you since we started working with those goody goody synth crusaders."

"I see you've conveniently forgotten about the loot we divvy up after every op."

"That's not the same as being paid. I could leave whenever I wanted you know."

I rolled my eyes. As if I hadn't heard that threat before. "You're so full of it."

"Not full of caps."

"Quit complaining will you? We're almost done and then all we have to do is wait for Tinker Tom to finish the platform. Tell you what, after we run this salvage back why don't you take some time off and find some other clients? You can spend some time getting caps from small-time criminals and jilted lovers, and I can send you a message as soon as everything's ready."

He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Look, if you've got a problem with the way I run things then you need to tell me because you've spent the last three ops showering me with your snide little remarks and I'm done." When he didn't reply I sighed impatiently. "Come on MacCready just spit it out, I know there's something. Don't make me force it out of you."

He remained silent.

"Alright fine, don't say anything. I don't care, but if I don't know what's wrong then I can't fix it and you can't complain about it. Alright?"

I turned to dismiss him when he finally spoke up. "It's actually those two assh…. Those two idiots you saw me talking to at the Third Rail, Winlock and Barnes."

My chest burned as I heard Winlock's name for the first time in a month, and my mind automatically conjured up his leering face. It was almost like he was there again, trapping me underneath his wandering hands. I shivered as I resisted the urge to scrub away the memory of his body pressed against mine.

MacCready continued on, oblivious. "Before I met you, I was hard up for caps. They'd been hounding me for months and its been driving off clients. No one wants to touch me once they learn I used to run with the Gunners." He smiled wanly. "I guess I figured that if I could get enough caps together, maybe I could buy them out. I've got enough stored up now that I might have a chance, but if I set up a place to meet them I'm sure they'd roll in with everyone they got."

I folded my arms. "So what are you going to do?"

"My clientele issue aside, those guys are no good and the world would be better without them."

My heartbeat quickened as he raised his eyes to mine. "I've been thinking about it for too long. I should have brought it up months ago, but after meeting all those Settlers... well, I was thinking that maybe you and I could pay them a visit. I know I shouldn't be asking you to do this for me when you're so close to getting the Interceptor done, but if you would I'd be grateful. And if it means anything to you, I wouldn't be asking for your help if I didn't trust you."

He was giving me the change to revenge myself against the man who's been haunting my nightmares, and it wasn't a very hard decision to make.

"If you need my help, I'm there."

He blinked. "Wow… I don't know what to say."

"It's no big deal. You've helped me so I'll help you. It's just the way I operate."

He scratched the back of his neck with a rueful laugh. "Right. Truth is, I haven't been able to rely on anyone since I was a kid. Everyone I've met has either tried to rip me off or plant a knife in my back, but you… You're different." He quirked a wry smile. "And I have a funny feeling that you actually care about what happens to me."

Did I care what happened to MacCready? Not any more than anybody else I'd run with...or so I thought. Maybe I was starting to slip again, but in all honesty, the idea of dropping another companion and starting all over again wasn't very appealing. Besides, we were in the middle of an important mission and he was the best shot I'd ever seen. I wasn't about to abandon the good thing we had going. Not yet anyway.

My ears perked as I heard a faint shuffling from a nearby room. I shoved a pack at him. "We should probably get going. I think all our talking may have attracted some unwanted attention."

XxXxX

Trying to sneak up on a Gunner outpost was not an easy thing to pull off, but MacCready knew them inside and out so our chances were good. We ran through the op as we hid in an alcove a short distance away from Mass Pike Interchange. According to MacCready, Winlock and Barnes would be in a fairly defensible position. Their higher ranking cronies would be fanned out in front of any entrances to or from their main shacks while the lesser ranking grunts would be roaming the perimeter on random patrol. The chances of us surviving were good as long as we hit them hard and fast. At the bottom of Interchange were six Gunners manning the elevator, and we'd have to take out the Ham radio if we wanted the element of surprise.

After scratching together a rough plan, we took out the lower guard in five minutes flat. Smoke was still drifting from the muzzle of MacCready's rifle as we stepped onto the platform and I hit the button to begin our ascent.

MacCready was smiling like a fool as he put in a fresh magazine.

I'd noticed that since I'd agreed to this little op he'd been much less of a pessimist, and I'll admit that this new MacCready was much more fun to be around. He always seemed to be wearing a smile, even after I accidentally led us right into the hands of a Behemoth yesterday, and I hadn't heard a cynical word from him in days.

I made a mental note to suggest random killing sprees of other Gunner hideouts in the future when I needed to lift his spirits.

We were almost nearing the top railing when I heard a faint soulless voice that turned my insides cold.

"Sensor alert, anomaly detected. Scanning."

That wasn't a good sign. If they had an Assaultron then we only had a short window of time to take action in order to stay alive. I grabbed a frag, and only waited long enough to detect movement before I pulled the pin and hurled it with all my might. The explosion rocked the interchange as we leaped from the lift, but it only took a moment to realize that I hadn't hit my intended target.

Shit. I turned away from the smoldering wreckage of a car, where my grenade had demolished the turret standing on its hood.

The gunfire started almost immediately, from the opposite direction.

Damn!

So much for the element of surprise. I laid down some fire so that MacCready could dash behind a pileup of cars, then took position next to him against the oncoming Gunners.

"Engaging hostile. Contact."

I flipped around and watched in horror as the assualtron rounded the divider almost fifty feet away and began strafing towards us.

"Cover me!" I yelled and rolled towards a pile of rubble that I hoped might protect me from sudden incineration. I took careful aim at its limbs, knowing that if I could take out a leg, I might slow it down long enough for us to get in a more defensible position. Three careful shots and a leg blew, but that only did so much. It was still crawling forwards at an alarming rate, its clawed hands scraping the ground and its horrible face opened wide.

"You are facing an assaultron class combat robot. Death is inevitable."

I stood up amidst the sound of gunfire, and I could hear MacCready yelling at me as I moved forward slowly and pulled the trigger again and again. Its face was now oozing a violent scarlet and was growing in intensity. I knew that it was only a matter of time before we would be nothing more than ash blown away by the wind. A high pitched whine filled my subconscious and I screamed.

"Get down!" MacCready tackled me and wrestled me behind a twisted hunk of concrete and metal.

In a panic I fought to escape his embrace, but I was shocked into stillness as a large explosion rocked the crumbling ground. I felt MacCready twist and cover my body with his. Dust and debris were flying in every direction, and my ears were ringing.

I coughed into the front of his shirt. "What happened? What did you do?"

He raised his head cautiously. "I didn't do anything. It seems that your ill-aimed grenade detonated the car reactor and saved our hides."

"Who says I wasn't aiming for the car?" I was straining to see around his arms to make sure no one sneaking up on us.

"Yeah no, I'm going to have to call BS on that one." His eyes twinkled as he grinned, and I couldn't help grinning back.

I don't think I'd ever seen him this close in the daylight before, we were usually too busy fighting for our lives, but I noticed for the first time that his eyes were a warm honeyed-hazel. As we stared at each other I read something in them that made me feel happy and safe, which was not something I'd felt since... Well, since I'd first started dating Nate.

Focus Athena. You're in the middle of a fight, remember?

But I couldn't because I was now looking at his lips. I realized that his mouth wasn't set in its usual perpetual smirk, but was slightly downturned as he frowned at me. I didn't like it when he frowned, and I wondered what it would take to make him smile again. Maybe if I leaned forward just a little, our lips could touch and then...

My imagination came to a crashing halt as the sound of gunfire erupted somewhere nearby. Adrenaline coursed through my body as I blinked and struggled to refocus on MacCready, who was watching me with a strange look on his face. Suddenly I was acutely aware of how close my body was to his. We were practically hugging. "Uh, MacCready? You should probably get off of me now."

"What? Oh, right." He hastily got to his feet as a blush tinged his cheeks, and I immediately stood and turned away to hide my own burning face.

A shot pinged off the side of the bus near MacCready's head, which effectively pulled my thoughts away from my embarrassment.

"Shall we…?"

"You lead, I'll pick off the stragglers."

We fell into an easy rhythm, taking out the never-ending onslaught of bodies being thrown at us with relative ease. By the time they started slowing their attacks, we had made steady progress towards the collection of buildings near the edge of the Interchange. Both of us were covered in our own sweat and who knows whose blood as we faced down the final three Gunners left between us and our intended targets.

I was out of ammo for my rifle so I was using it as a bludgeon instead. Even though I still had Avenger, I refused to touch it. I was saving every last bullet for Winlock.

The Captain's knuckles brushed my cheek as I dodged yet another of her inexpertly thrown punches, and parried with a sweep at her legs.

"Just die already!" She screamed.

She was unable to pull herself together quick enough to evade the butt of my rifle, and she went down with a sickening crack as her skull hit a block of concrete. I watched her twitch once before I zeroed in on the shack across the broken partition. Winlock was over there. I was already jogging as I looked over my shoulder.

"You gonna be okay MacCready?"

He didn't seem to hear me, but I couldn't stop now. Besides, he seemed to have the situation in hand. I unholstered Avenger and vaulted over the center divider

Now was the time make Winlock pay for what he'd done to me.

The area was empty, but I kept Avenger steady in both hands. The side of the shack was open and I heard the creaking of heavy footsteps.

"Well I'll be damned. I had a strange feeling I'd see you again, though maybe not in these exact circumstances."

Hate was burning in my chest as I pulled the trigger, but he seemed to have anticipated me. He dodged behind a filing cabinet before I could reload.

"You know you seem a little tense. You aren't still sore about the other day, are you? I'm sorry we had to part the way we did, but if you'd taken me up on my offer you could have been sore for an entirely different reason."

I screamed and pulled the trigger again, and the shot ricochetted harmlessly off into the horizon. I could see him through the broken slats of wood, but not enough to have a clear shot. Even still I didn't want to move any closer. I had no desire to be in close quarters with him now or ever again.

I heard him chuckle. "You've got quite the temper on you. I hate to say it, but it's sort of turning me on."

Abandoning all reason, I roared and let loose with the rest of my rounds until the dull click of an empty barrel echoed across the silent interchange.

Winlock appeared at the other door as I fumbled to refill the chambers.

He tisked. "Out of ammunition so soon? Now that's just unfortunate, isn't it Barnes?"

My hand was jammed in my pocket to grab more rounds when an arm was around my neck and pulling me backward against a solid body. Gasping, I scrabbled at the iron grip that was locked against my windpipe.

"If you don't stop struggling then I'm afraid my friend here is going to have to kill you."

In response to this announcement, I was completely lifted off the ground. Black began to bleed into the edges of my vision.

"I gotta tell you, I could have excused you for killing all my men, but from what I've heard you've also thrown in with that good for nothing MacCready. A pain in our ass. A small one, but a pain nonetheless."

I could no longer see, and I felt consciousness slipping away…

"It's a shame. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you. Unless… it is possible that we can come to an… arrangement."

Barnes released me, and I fell into a heap on the ground, gasping for air. The black had barely begun to recede when harsh fingers gripped my chin and forced me to look up. Winlock's dirty, leering face was inches from mine. "I'm willing to make you a deal. You have an in with the Railroad somehow, and I know someone who's willing to pay a lot of caps for information on those abomination loving freaks. You spill the beans, and all of this can be forgotten."

He continued with a smile I'm sure he thought was reassuring, but to me it was terrifying. "In return, I'll let MacCready keep his miserable little life, and you get to have a high ranking position in my crew. I'll make sure you're well taken care of, and I'll even allow you to take your temper out on me sometimes." He winked. "I know you'll like that."

When I didn't reply his fingers squeezed harder until I screamed. "This is only a one-time offer. I can't just let you go wandering around the Commonwealth causing more trouble for me, so I'd think very carefully before you answer."

It can't end like this! I've got to find Shaun!

Fury began to overtake the terror as his look of anger turned to triumph. He thought he'd won, but I wasn't about to give in now. I might be outnumbered and outgunned, but I wouldn't go out without a fight. I waited until his grip loosened and in one swift motion I smashed my forehead against his.

He fell back screaming. "Bitch!"

I grunted as a kick contacted my ribs, then another, then another.

A dull roar echoed across the expanse. "Barnes!"

 

The kicking stopped as the crack of a gunshot was followed by a thump. I opened watering eyes and turned on my side to see MacCready jumping across the rubble. Winlock pulled a gun from some hidden pocket with blurring speed and fired a shot, but it went wide as MacCready tackled him to the ground. One solid punch was enough to glaze his expression.

"So Winlock, you're browbeating women to get into bed with you now?" He slugged him again.

"You surprise me MacCready." Winlock slurred. "I'm a reasonable guy. You know that I always make a fair deal, and I was just trying to make one with your lady friend here. Sometimes these things just take a little..." he licked his split lip. "...persuasion."

"You sick bastard."

"Cut the shit Mac, you ain't any better than me. You were one of us once." He spat blood on the ground and sneered. "But even then you pretended you were better. Too bad all of that high and mighty bullshit couldn't save her."

I staggered to my feet with a gasp. Who's her?

MacCready had a wild look in his eyes as he gave Winlock a hard shake. "Better close your fat mouth before I shut it for you."

"Fighting words MacCready. You're gonna need those if you're gonna keep running away from the truth and pretending that you didn't abandon her to die."

MacCready hit him so hard his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground, unconscious. Chest heaving, MacCready stood, not seeming to notice that his knuckles were cracked and bleeding.

After a moment or two he glanced at me, eyes smoldering. "You alright?"

I nodded.

He extended the stock of his rifle towards me, his eyes hard.

His offer was clear, but as I looked at the unconscious Winlock bleeding out on the ground I realized something. He didn't matter anymore. He was a sick man in a sick world, but he'd helped me remember what I was fighting for every waking day. My son was worth all of this pain and humiliation, and I'd do it a million times over if it meant seeing him again.

I shook my head.

"Fine." He barely batted an eye as he took aim and fired two rounds. The deed was done.

I choked in a shaky breath, the acrid smoke burning my lungs. I could feel my throat swelling as I rasped. "Well. I'm glad that's over."

He didn't say anything for a moment, then I heard him rustling around. "You need some stims. They'll help reduce that swelling."

I gazed out at the scenery as he played doctor and shot me with stims.

Now that I was standing up so high, I finally got the picture of the Commonwealth that I'd been missing. Living down on the ground my head was so full of survival that I rarely looked up, but up here on the Interchange, there was a stunning view of the landscape in the fading twilight. Even though almost everything was dead, there was something familiar and reassuring about the way the earth looked in this light. The skeletal trees might not be dead, but simply shed their leaves for winter. And even the crumbling skyscrapers in the distance inspired awe as they shimmered like fiery diamonds. I followed a small bird as he passed by on a lonely journey, eventually disappearing into the fading sky. In the distance, a Deathclaw roared and frightened a herd of radstags from their nearby grazing.

"We did a lot of damage today."

"Yep."

"You don't think the Gunners will retaliate?"

I felt him join me at the ledge. "For the Gunners, it's always about the bottom line. They just lost this entire waystation and that cost them big. Besides, they have no way of knowing I was involved." He was silent for a moment. "I caught the last part of your conversation with Winlock. It sounds like you two have met before."

"Yeah."

"Did he hurt you?"

"We exchanged words the night I came to see you. He... threatened me. If he hadn't had to talk to you, he might have done more."

His eyes narrowed. "What you are saying? Do you mean he...? He didn't touch you, did he?"

My silence seemed enough of an answer.

"That sick son-of-a-"

I cut off his tirade. "It doesn't matter anymore. He's dead and that's enough."

"Well I... guess I owe you a favor now. After all, you hired me but I'm the one that dragged you out here."

I smiled wanly. "Well, I wasn't about to let you have all this fun alone. Besides, I was hoping to exact some revenge."

He adjusted the brim of his hat. "I'll tell you what uh… I'm going to give you back the caps you paid me in Goodneighbor. And I'll still stick with you because that was part of the original deal. But now we're even."

He was feigning disinterest, but I knew how generous an offer it was coming from him so I wouldn't take it lightly.

"Deal."

We stood in silence for several minutes until fatigue overcame me and I sat down. Eventually, MacCready joined me and together we watched the moon rise and cast its silvery glow across the darkening world. We both laid back on the concrete to watch the stars until finally our eyes closed from exhaustion and we slept.


	6. Painful Memories

"Athena, you should be here. He's getting worse."

"Nick I can't get back, the Signal Interceptor is almost complete and I've got to stay close to HQ. Just tell him I'll be back soon and that I'll have his ass if he keeps this up. ~A"

"Hurry."

I read the last communiqué with a frown and tried to settle more comfortably into my makeshift cot. I'd been so busy preparing for my Institute invasion that I hadn't been able to make it back to Goodneighbor to check I'm on Hancock, but Nick had been sending me updates for the last few weeks, even including some pictures of his wild parties. They weren't very pretty, and the only good thing about them was that they proved he was staying inside Goodneighbor and The Combat Zone when he went on his binges. At least he wasn't wandering around the Commonwealth high as a kite.

And in the middle of it was that woman. Granted Hancock was a grown man and was capable of making his own decisions, but Cait was clearly at the center of it all and it wasn't doing him any good. Yet, as much as I wanted to get back and set his head straight, I couldn't bring myself to leave Sanctuary. Construction of the Interceptor was finally underway, and I had to be here and ready to go when I was given the green light.

I'd been trying not to get my hopes up but for the first time in almost a year, I felt like I was really going to see him. Shaun. It was a sense I had deep in my soul, and it didn't matter that Dez and Tom told me that I might die when I jump into their rigged up machine. It was going to work, and then I'd find my son and take down those Institute bastards once and for all.

Nervous energy propelled me from my cot and I started to pace.

With my imminent departure, it was difficult to sit down for any length of time let alone close my eyes and sleep... Especially in Sanctuary where there were so many memories. I hadn't planned on coming back, but when Dez told me that they needed to find a place to build the Interceptor without drawing a lot of attention, my old neighborhood immediately came to mind. So I'd told myself that I could suck it up, that I could come back and deal with it until I had Shaun in my arms and had avenged my husband. I told myself it would be worth it.

It was all well and good until I came rolling in with a bunch of Railroad lackeys and not very many standing houses left to put them in for the month. That was when Preston told me that he'd put my cot in the house in the middle of the street. My house. He'd put it in my and Nate's old bedroom so I'd forced Sturges to move it to the living room. I couldn't even bring myself to go down the hall, let alone sleep in the same room I'd shared with Nate for so many years.

I sighed and stared at the broken down tv that had somehow managed to remain in the same position that it had been in for the last two hundred years. I could still remember seeing the news that day. My mind hadn't been able to process the words of the news anchor before he was cut off, and then the alarm had started blaring. Everything happened so fast that I barely remember saying goodbye to my husband and child before we were ushered into the cryotubes.

I closed my eyes as I remembered Nate's warm gaze and reassuring smile as he held Shaun in his arms. At least he'd told me he loved me.

Those first few weeks without him had been hell. Whenever I tried to sleep I swear I could feel his body next to mine and his soft lips pressing against my neck, and when I took a breath I could still smell his shampoo. I couldn't count how many days I'd spent running from those memories, knowing that they were gone forever. I ached for him so badly sometimes that I wished I were dead, just so I could be free from the pain of missing him.

Eventually, I realized that I couldn't torture myself like that and find my son so I made a choice. I chose to forget Nate and become a survivor, building a wall so high around myself that after a couple months I thought I'd successfully put all thoughts of him behind me. I pushed people away to keep from caring and got to the point where I could kill a man without batting an eye. But now here I was, back to the place that held so many memories, and the wall that I thought had been built so strong around me was starting to blow away like ashes in the wind.

"Attie, you at home?"

My head shot up and I swept the green fog with a hasty glance. That name. The only person who had ever called me Attie was Nate.

I could see the vague outline of a figure across the way under the awning and it was hauntingly familiar. Was that the pair of broad shoulders I dreamed of embracing in the darkest moments of the night? Did I really hear his voice?

"Boss?"

The illusion shattered as the figure shifted and broke into two people, one tall and wearing a tricorn hat, the other short and lean. I let out a lungful of air I'd been holding. Of course it wasn't Nate, it was just MacCready, and he was probably trying to escape from Preston and bring the report from Tom about the status of the Signal Interceptor.

I tried to still my beating heart and shaking hands. "I'm here."

I watched the dark figure dart across the street and through my doorway, slamming the makeshift door behind him. He flattened his collar and flicked his hat off his forehead with a huff. "I tell ya, I thought I was a talker but that Preston Garvey really has one over on me."

I faked a smile. "Let me guess, he tried to enlist you?"

"Sure did, but all I had to do was swear by my dead mother's grave and promise my firstborn that I'd think about it before he finally let me out of the hot seat."

I shook my head. "He is persistent."

"I'll say."

"So, you talk to Tom?"

"Sure did."

"And?"

"According to him, we'll probably be holed up for a few more days before the storm lets up."

I cursed. My worst fears had just been confirmed.

"But Tom is having the guys assemble what they can in the workshop, and by the time it's safe to start construction again it'll pretty much be ready."

"Great."

He folded his arms and frowned. "I still can't believe you're going to risk your life on this crackpot scheme."

"We've been through this a million times MacCready. It's the only way to get to my son."

He itched his ear, a telltale sign that he wasn't happy, but was holding back from saying anything more. He probably thought I didn't care enough about my life, but what he didn't realize was that it was because of Shaun that I was still alive. Without him, I might have given up months ago.

A crack of lightning drew both our gazes and a sudden wave of heat blew in through a broken window. I could feel a steady stream of sweat racing down from my hairline to the bottom of my spine. "Well, there goes my grand plan of storming the Institute before breakfast."

"Trust me, Tom's doing all he can to keep the ball rolling. Those nuts are just as anxious for to Interceptor to be ready as you are. Almost."

That they were. If I made it through the transfer alive, they wanted me to plug into the Institute's mainframe and upload all the data I could manage. It was going to bring us one step closer to burning them to the ground, and I was very happy to do it.

As MacCready continued to stare out into the fog, apparently lost in thought, I decided it was time for an airing. I hadn't taken my armor off in days, and I could actually feel it peeling away from my bare skin as I tugged at the straps. I shrugged out of my chest piece and slid off the vanguards until all I had on were some pants and an undershirt. Both were dirty and completely drenched in sweat, and I cringed when I realized that I could actually smell myself. "It's too bad we don't have any working water in the buildings. I could really use a good rinse-off right now."

He grunted. "Yeah, me too. I don't think I've showered in over a month."

"That's disgusting MacCready."

"Think of it this way, the less clean you smell the less likely a bunch of Supermutants will catch your scent and try to eat you."

I rolled my eyes even as I started to tie my damp hair up and out of my face. "While that may be true, it's still gross."

He turned with a sardonic grin and was clearly about to give me some smart-ass retort, but it froze on his lips as his eyes wide.

"What's that look for? Do I have something on my face?"

"Nothing I uh… I guess I just didn't expect you to be practically naked when I turned around."

I raised a brow. "Practically naked? I'm wearing pants."

"Yeah but..."

"I seem to remember that you were enjoying the view of Magnolia not that long ago when she came on stage wearing that mini red getup with the slit. What was it you said again? 'That's one helluvah woman'?"

"I'm sorry, it's not that I wouldn't like…" He reddened and tugged at his collar. "I just mean… it's strange not to see you all decked out in leather and metal for once. You don't look like yourself without it. That's it."

He looked awkward, which wasn't something I expected. He was usually cool as a cucumber when uncomfortable things happened.

I tried to brush it off. "I don't really feel like myself without it either, but it's safe enough here in Sanctuary that I don't have to worry about being caught unaware. Besides, a girl's gotta catch a breather some time, right?"

"Sure, yeah." He cleared his throat and meandered away from the window, suddenly very interested in the furniture in the room. He eventually settled against the counter. "I bet this place brings back a lot of memories for you."

I gave him a look, but he was still carefully avoiding my gaze. He was always trying to get me to open up about my past, trying to trick me into saying more than I wanted. He'd gotten me to talk more than most of my other companions, but even still I'd told him only the bare minimum about my past. I mentally kicked myself for telling him about my connection to Sanctuary.

That being said, I don't know if it was because I was in my old house, or the fact that soon I'd have my son back, or maybe I'd simply lost my senses, but there was a little part of me that wanted to talk about Nate. Maybe talking about him would finally get him out of my system for good and I could finally move on.

I tried hard to push down the knot in my chest as I fiddled with my .44. "Nate and I used to sit on the couch and listen to the Silver Shroud every Monday night after he came home from work. He thought it was a good joke, and even though I hated it I still enjoyed listening to him laugh at all the corny jokes."

I could tell that I had MacCready's full attention, and I rushed to get it out before I lost my nerve.

"That was the great thing about Nate. He could be really cocky at times, but he wasn't afraid to like stupid things. He could turn from soldier to total softie in a minute flat. When I was pregnant with Shaun, he used to sit and read Shroud comics to him out loud and pretend they were all about him."

Silence filled the space between us.

"I never got to say goodbye to him you know." I could feel my throat closing up and tried hard to keep the threatening tears at bay.

"I'm sorry."

My voice was quivering, but I couldn't seem to stem the flow of words. "It's hard, being back. The things that were so familiar and held so many good memories now make me want to die. I hate it. In a sick sort of way, I'm glad that the world has gone to shit. If everything were the same I would be stuck with the memories of him and have nothing to fill the void. But out here, it's easy to forget. Day in a day out the only thing that matters is surviving. And I've got Shaun to think about."

"Run long enough and eventually you can trick yourself into thinking you've left it all behind." He said it like he understood, and I looked up in time to see the dark and haunted expression cross his face. Suddenly I was struck by a memory of Winlock taunting him as he lay bleeding on the ground.

"Too bad all of that high and mighty bullshit couldn't save her."

I made my way across the room to stand next to him. "MacCready?"

"Hm?"

"Who's that girl Winlock mentioned on the Interchange?"

He was silent for so long that I thought he wasn't going to answer, but eventually, he spoke.

"It was my girl, Lucy. When we got married she thought I was a soldier, but I was really running with the Gunners. She was so proud. I couldn't stand the thought of losing her, so I went on pretending. We were ambushed by a pack of ferals, and I couldn't save her. I never did tell her the truth."

The expression on his face never changed, but I could feel all of his unspoken pain in my innermost being.

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "So am I. But it is what it is right? Shit happens. You would know."

"Yeah."

We lapsed into a thoughtful silence. I wondered how many others had stories like mine and MacCready's, who lost everyone and everything but still chose to live on in the unforgiving Commonwealth. I didn't understand how they could do it without any kind of purpose. What was it that made them cling to life so desperately? Shaun was my lifeline, so what was theirs?

What was MacCready's?

I was too afraid to ask.

I felt him shift beside me. "So what were doing in here all by yourself?"

I sighed. "This place is so crowded now, and I needed some space to think. I got a message from Nick about Hancock."

"And how is our perennial party boy?"

"Worse."

He gave me a little nudge with his shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up about it, you've got enough to worry about. Hancock's got loads of people looking out for him, and you've got your kid to think about, right? Shaun's more important than our wayward mayor."

Somehow hearing those words from someone other than myself was reassuring.

"I was also hoping to get some sleep since I've got the time but..."

He chuckled. "You, sleep? I thought you just got your energy from absorbing the souls of your fallen enemies."

I scrunched my nose at him. "I do sleep actually. Just never for very long..."

If I can help it.

A knowing light came into his eyes. "I've lived this hellish existence all my life and eventually you just sort of...get numb to it all."

"Numb would be nice about now." I rubbed my eyes hard.

"Woah, don't get all emotional on me now boss. I can handle a heartfelt walk down memory lane, but actual tears? You don't want your badass facade to slip down too far."

MacCready's trademark snark was back, and I was suddenly grateful that he could so easily shake the dark cloud I'd pulled on top of us.

"Thanks for the emotional support."

"It's what I'm here for, I'm an emotional support extraordinaire." He shot me a roguish grin and I felt my stomach flip.

It was exactly the same kind of smile that Nate used to give me when he was flirting.

I forced a laugh. Once again I was very conscious of our closeness. I realized that if I shifted just a few inches to the left, our arms would touch. I wondered how he would react to physical contact. I'd seen the way he looked at me when he thought I wasn't looking, and I didn't think I imagined the subtle flirtations he threw out like little feelers every once in a while. This wasn't my first rodeo, and I believe he'd actually thought about to kissing me that day we blew up the Gunners camp.

I'd often wondered what would have happened if at that moment we hadn't been in mortal danger. We'd fit together so perfectly when his body had curved around mine to protect me from the rubble. Sometimes, in my most unguarded moments, I thought about what it would be like to feel his body pressed up against mine for a completely different reason...

The thought made me blush, and suddenly I snapped back into reality, ridden with guilt.

What the hell are you doing? What happened to Nate, your murdered husband? How can you think about MacCready when you were just talking about how much you missed Nate and the feeling of his arms around you and the comfort of his body next to yours?

With a lurch I pushed myself off the table and stalked towards the cot.

"Hey, you alright?"

I swallowed down my rising shame and jerked my head to the side. "It's nothing. I just lost it for a second. I must be more tired than I thought."

"Why don't you try to get some sleep? I can go see if Tom can use any more help."

I could tell that he wanted to say more, but I suddenly wanted nothing more than to be alone. "Good idea. Bye MacCready." I flipped around so he couldn't see my face... or the errant tear that had forced its way through my defenses and down my cheek.

He sounded uncertain. "Okay well... I'll come check on you in a few hours?"

"Whatever makes you happy."

I could hear him hesitating at the door for a few minutes afterward, but eventually, I sensed that he was gone. That's when I let the tears fall unchecked.

Curse my treacherous heart! Nate and MacCready couldn't have been more different. MacCready was all jagged edges and prickled defenses where Nate had been open and honest. MacCready didn't have a gentlemanly bone in his body while Nate would never have let me carry anything without offering to help first. Nate was every girl's dream.

So why couldn't I stop my heart from skipping a beat whenever MacCready smiled at me?

I closed my eyes and screamed into the pillow.

It was all too much. What I needed to clear my head was oblivion, and I was on my feet and heading towards the fridge for the whiskey I knew was stashed in there when I stopped dead in my tracks.

Idiot. I couldn't get drunk now, not when I was so close to finding Shaun! I needed to keep a steady head so that I could help the Railroad bring down the Institute and end my suffering. I couldn't keep getting distracted by the men in my life, not even the dead one that once held my heart.

I dropped to the floor and curled up on the dirt with a sob. My brain was buzzing with conflict, but I let all my thoughts swirl and scream at me as I listened to the pattering of the rain on the roof. It seemed like hours later when I finally fell into a stupor of almost sleep.


	7. Just Another Companion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Working out issues with words and fists is the best way to go. Or... that's just how I do it.

I spent the next few days avoiding all human contact. I'd thought that opening up to someone about my feelings would help me get rid of them once and for all, but it had somehow had the opposite effect. I couldn't seem to get Nate out of my head, and sleep was out of the question since my emotions were on a rampage. So to take my mind off of everything I set up shop in my workroom. It wasn't much to look at, just a large ramshackle shed I'd built out of mismatched pieces of driftwood and logs, but it had become my own special haven during my short stays at Sanctuary. And while I'd never said anything to anyone, people typically understood that once I shut the door I wanted to be left alone. Dogmeat was the only living being I saw in my workspace, and he was currently snoozing in his own little house right next to my cot, which was actually covered in a greasy tarp and miscellaneous circuit boards. I had my power armor rigged up and was tracking my way through the junk jungle in search of tools.

When I'd first built the place I'd been fairly organized with all my resources, but I scavenged so often that the designated tables quickly became too small to hold their loads and I'd started dumping stuff onto the floor… and then it had become absolute chaos.

I zeroed in on a pile of blowtorches and made it back to the worktable with a few in hand before hammering on the nearest plate. I was trying to patch up my chest-piece and get it painted before I headed to the Institute.

What am I going to say to Shaun when I finally see him again?

I'd thought over that question for months, but I still didn't have a good answer. What was I supposed to say to a child who'd been taken from his parents before he'd even been old enough to speak? Ten years is a long time not to know your mother.

I slammed the hammer down a bit harder than was necessary.

Those Institute bastards had stolen a lot more from me than just my boy when they'd pulled him from that cryotube. They'd stolen countless years of memories I'd never have, like watching him take his first steps and hear his first words. I didn't even know what kind of a child he could turn out to be because he had just started to show his personality when he was taken.

I fought the tears that threatened to fall.

But isn't there a chance that he could still remember me?

I'd spent countless sleepless nights rocking him to sleep and singing him lullabies, and realist though I was, I still held onto the hope that once he saw me there would be some inkling of recognition in his eyes. Just a flicker would be enough for me, and my heart clenched as I thought about seeing him again. When I'd seen Shaun in Kellogg's memories, he'd looked so much like Nate did at that age. I ached at the realization that Nate would never see his son grow to become a young man.

At least I would have that opportunity, and once we were together I'd find a place where we could live out our days in peace and safety. I'd thought about Diamond City, but the chances of it being a safe-haven forever were relatively slim. Also, it was too close to the bad part of town for my liking. During the many months I'd spent exploring, I'd marked some potential homes on my pip-boy, knowing that one day I'd have my son back and would need a place to settle down. It had to be somewhere unsuspecting and off the grid, and while it may seem like a naively simple plan, I didn't think it would be very hard to pull off. Being out of the city would keep the usual rabble away, and my infamous reputation would do the rest.

I caught my reflection in the grubby mirror I'd hung in the corner and straightened. I wasn't very intimidating at the moment in my greasy pants and t-shirt, with my hair in an untidy pile on the top of my head. But to some I was Athena, the fierce and ruthless defender of the Commonwealth; The Avenger. Someone to be feared. In fact, I just received word from Piper that the major Raider and Gunner strongholds in Boston had just sent out orders to their other gangs to avoid confrontation with me at all costs. I had a feeling that this had something to do with the last message that I'd sent around to each of their establishments. One day after a particularly difficult run-in with a Raider camp, I'd found a Bible in the ruins of a church. In a fit of inspiration I picked out a few lines and taped them to all of the bodies:

"Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done."

"Vengeance is mine, I will repay."

I smiled grimly. My messages seemed to have done the trick. There were reports all around the Commonwealth that there had been fewer attacks on larger Settlements, or in the places where I was a frequent visitor.

Apparently, even murderers and rapists believed in a God when death was staring them in the face.

"Preston said I might find you here."

I stiffened at the familiar sardonic drawl that I had hoped not to hear today. "Go away MacCready."

"He also said you might say that."

"I'm busy."

"Busy my ass. I've been standing here watching you for the last five minutes and all you've done is waste a perfectly good blowtorch."

The fact that he had been watching me for a full five minutes and I hadn't noticed was slightly unsettling, but I refused to acknowledge it. Instead, I tossed the now empty can over my shoulder and grabbed a new one, beginning to torch the cold hunk of metal that I had formed into the approximation of a patch. The hissing of the flames drowned out all noise until I heard a solid thump nearby. "So this is where Dogmeat disappears to every day. Hiya buddy, long time no see."

I peeked over my shoulder long enough to notice that he'd taken off his duster and jacket in favor of a white undershirt. His disturbingly bare arms were muscled and oddly tan considering I'd never seen him without his coat. I watched his lean arms flex as he scratched Dogmeat affectionately under the chin.

"That's a nice scarf you got there. That star looks awful familiar..."

He shot me a look and I turned away hastily.

To be honest, the neckerchief had originally been a failed shirt project. During my first few months having to relearn normal life, I'd attempted to brush up on some survival skills. I'd never been very good at home ec., but I'd decided to try and teach myself how to sew anyway. I cut up an old Gunner uniform and tried to take in the sides, but I'd mangled it horribly and ended up scrapping the project. Turns out that I was bad at making shirts but great at making dog accessories, so I'd given it to Dogmeat after the fact as a token of affection.

"What do you want MacCready?"

"I come bearing the bounty of the Commonwealth. Food to fuel your labors." He dropped a can of Blamco and a Nuka-cola on the desk next to me, and I had to force myself to keep my eyes on my work. I was actually starving, but I didn't want to prolong the conversation.

"Just put it on my cot, and don't forget to shut the door on the way out."

"This is the thanks I get for going out of my way to help my boss?"

He never could catch a hint. I huffed. "What did you expect, a tip? You know where I keep my cap stash. Feel free to take what you want."

"Feeling a little touchy today, are we?"

"I shut the door for a reason."

"And I opened it for a reason." His voice held a hint of ire. "You really need to learn how to take care of yourself, Athena. It won't do your boy any good if his mom breaks into the Institute just to collapse on the way out from dehydration and malnutrition."

I scoffed. "What are you, my mother? I've taken care of myself for my entire life without your help MacCready, and I will continue to do so. Now get out."

"Why do you always call me MacCready? I have a first name you know."

He was doing his usual deflecting tactics, and it was starting to piss me off. "Would you prefer I called you Asshat?"

He rolled his eyes. "Robert would be perfectly acceptable."

"I'm asking you to leave."

He frowned. "You're hiding from me, aren't you? Ever since our conversation on Monday you've avoided me like the plague, and I want to know why."

"I'm working."

"Have I done something to offend you?"

"You've seen what I do to people who offend me."

"Everyone's worried about you. Hell, I'm worried about you! You've been in here for three solid days without stopping for anything except to take a piss."

I scowled. "My power armor needs to be ready for when I get into the Interceptor, and I'm trying to keep my mind on saving Shaun. At this point, everything else is just a distraction."

He rested against the table and folded his arms."Everything else? Oh, you mean people. So you consider me a distraction?"

"Don't flatter yourself MacCready." I tried to turn away, intending to put some distance between us, but he caught my arm.

This wasn't the first time he'd tried to tell me how to take care of myself, but he'd never laid a hand on me before. It surprised me.

"You can't hide it from me, Athena. I've seen you when you start to spiral into a bad place, and you've got the signs written all over you."

"It's none of your business."

"Like hell. When you spiral, you make rash decisions. When you make rash decisions, bad things happen and people get hurt. You get hurt. If you're going to save Shaun you need to stay sharp."

The truth of his barbs was getting under my skin and my arm twitched. "I said it's none of your business MacCready and I meant it. Now let go of me."

"No."

He was really pushing his limits this time, and he definitely should know better. He knew what happened to people when they didn't do what I wanted the first time I asked. It was almost like he was asking for it. "If you don't unhand me in the next five seconds, I won't be held responsible for any damage I cause to you."

"Fighting Athena is better than brooding Athena." He snapped. "I've seen them both before, and fighting Athena is as sharp as Pickman's knife, but brooding Athena? That Athena makes stupid mistakes because she won't admit that she's been emotionally compromised."

With a snarl, I twisted out of his grip and my fist went flying. He dodged my punch expertly and used my momentum to send me into the wall. I recovered quickly and struck out again, this time at his face. He easily knocked it away.

"Is that all you got?" He taunted.

With a scream, I grabbed the nearest blunt object and swung it at him with all my might. While it still missed, the ferocity of the attack made him stumble and he tripped back over the piles of junk. But he was back on his feet faster than I could blink, and I wasn't even able to bring my arm back far enough to get a good swing before he grabbed my wrist and forced me to drop it.

He brought his face close to mine as we grappled. "Are you even trying? It's like your heart isn't in it."

While I couldn't get my arms free, my legs had their full range of motion and I used that to kick him where it counted. Unfortunately, he seemed to be wearing protection, but the kick was enough to make him flinch and I was able to jerk free. With one last effort, I pulled back and punched him in the gut.

Either he hadn't expected it, or he let me take the shot. Either way, it was enormously satisfying to see him doubled over in pain.

"Don't you dare think that just because I've let you stick around the longest that it gives you any right to tell me how to live my life."

"I'm just thinking about your boy." He wheezed.

"That's not your job MacCready, it's mine. Your job is to shut your damn mouth and do what I say."

"So I can't have a say in your life but you get to dictate mine?" He panted. "Like hell. You know I could leave anytime I want."

"That threat lost its sting a long time ago. You say you'll leave but you always stay."

"I wonder why that is." He asked bitterly, straightening with a wince.

"Because you love my caps."

"Because I love y-" He was breathing hard. "You think I've endured all your dysfunctional shit because I love caps?"

The look in his eyes so disarmed me that I actually recoiled when he took one big step forward. "Bullshit. You know why I stick around, you just don't want to accept it. You don't want to admit that you could still care about people... and that they could care about you."

The silence hung thick around us. We were standing so close that I could feel his body heat and see the flecks of amber in his smoldering eyes, but he wasn't angry. No, this was something else. There was a clarity to his gaze and a stillness to his features that I'd come to recognize as his "sniper-face".

And it scared the shit out of me.

"Well Athena, are you finally going to admit it?"

"Admit what?" I spat.

"That you love me."

I hoped the shock I felt didn't show in my face. Me? In love with MacCready? The idea was ridiculous! How could anybody love such an arrogant asshole? He was just a companion that I could count on to have my back, and we worked well together, that was it. All these things I'd been feeling for him- if you could actually call them feelings- were just confused emotions that only showed up in the heat of the moment, that was all.

That was all.

A tense second passed.

He frowned. "Why are you fighting so hard against this?"

I huffed out a sigh. He could be so pigheaded sometimes. Couldn't he tell that I didn't need this right now? I didn't have time to think about how I felt about MacCready- if I felt anything for him that is. I just needed to find my son. "MacCready, Shaun needs me and this thing right here, whatever it is... it isn't helping. So could you just back off, please? It's hard enough being back in Sanctuary, and I can't deal with anything else right now. I just can't do it, and I hope you wouldn't ask me to."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. You should be focused on your kid right now."

Finally, he was catching on.

"But you can't hide from your emotions forever. They'll catch up with you whether you want them to or not."

When I didn't respond he sighed. I folded my arms and watched him make his way to the door. He paused with his hand on the frame. "Promise me you'll eat something before the day's over. And Athena..."

I shot him a dirty look, daring him to push the issue.

"...you've got a mean right hook."

I couldn't hold back a small smirk, and he shot me a grin before closing the door firmly behind him.


End file.
